Your first meeting

Quick Summary

Talk through all of these points…they set the stage.

And thank you for leading a group…we need more guys like you.

Going into your first meeting, guys will equally curious and on guard. Guys like the idea of a men’s group, but are nervous about the reality. Here’s how to ease their mind:

When you first ask a guy to join the group, give a short paraphrase of the points below. Then, when the whole group meets for the first time, go over all of this again. You’re not being redundant, you’re reinforcing the ideas behind your Firepit.

The script below is a model, so obviously modify it as needed. Click on each of the headers below to expand or collapse the text. You can do all this using your phone when you’re sitting around the Firepit. Don’t hand anything out, just talk.

Firepit is a chance for us to get together on a routine basis, talk, and have some fun. That’s the only agenda.

We’re using Firepit Mens Group, a framework that helps guys connect and enjoy themselves. They provide discussion guides for us and you can go look at them online if you’re curious. This isn’t like school and there are no study books, videos or homework. It’s a men’s discussion group around a fire where we can get into some meaty conversations that probably won’t happen anywhere else. You’ll get a text from me two to three days before we meet to get you thinking about something, then we’ll meet.

This is our group. We’re not affiliated with any organization. We’ll meet as long as we all want to keep meeting. If someone wants to bow out and the rest of us want to keep going, we’ll find a replacement. Ideally though, we’ll keep the same 6-7 guys together for as long as possible. This means we’re looking for your commitment to the idea of this group. And no, you can’t just invite someone to this like it’s a BBQ. If we allow that, conversations will always stay kind of shallow.

As adults, guys tend to feel disconnected. With Firepit, we’re able to be deliberate about connecting. It’s something wise men have done for centuries, usually around a Firepit. We’ll have some great discussions and also build some good friendships. We’ll talk about relationships and family, social issues, making money, making decisions, grilling stakes, God, women, whatever…all the things that show up in a man’s life.

I mentioned God as a topic, so I want to say this up front so nobody freaks out. God has been discussed by every society since the world began, from philosophers to peasants, because it’s interesting and relevant. It’s a subject any thinking man would consider. However, to be clear, Firepit is not affiliated with any church. Our group doesn’t exist to convince anyone of any thing. There is no point where anyone has to raise their hand, get on one knee, and pledge something in order to be a part of this group. Firepit is not designed as a gateway to some other destination. This is just us talking and, from my perspective, that’s enough.

It’s worth saying that you were picked to be here. Someone thinks you’re a good guy with interesting, or at least amusing, insights. That’s why you were invited. (Option for the leader: this is a good time to say something about each guy. Use one liners. Say what you like about them, a first impression, or something along those lines.)

Beyond just having discussions, we can do other stuff like have poker nights, go camping, play golf…whatever. We can also help others if we want. We’ll find the equivalent of the little old lady down the street who needs our help and make a difference for them…whether it’s fixing a fence or going to an area hit by a tornado with chainsaws and dragging limbs.

There are 3 rules for Firepit…and don’t worry, you’re going to like them.

  1. Talk. Hearing you give commentary on “society today” isn’t going to help anyone. We’ve got that crap on our phones. But hearing you talk about your perspective based on your experience is going to help everyone. It’s as close as we get to walking a mile in another man’s shoes. The lens you look through is valuable, so talk from that perspective. Also, consider that it’s not fair to sit back listen to conversation without engaging…you have to put some skin this game.
  2. Don’t teach. Nobody here is especially smarter than anyone else. So if someone is wrestling with something, it must mean there are no easy answers. Instead, listen and ask questions. If asked for advice, give it humbly.
  3. Don’t talk about Firepit. What’s said here, stays here. Don’t share one another’s stories to your wife or girlfriend or anyone else. It’s in our best interest to create a place where any of us can say anything and not worry about it leaving Firepit.

Give them details on time and what to bring. For example: “We’re meeting at XX:XX am/pm on X-day. I’ll have the fire going and you bring a game chair and your drink. We’ll run about an hour and a half.” (Morning Firepit’s generally run an hour and a half…evening Firepit’s run 2+ hours (simple because there’s more time)).

Answer any questions the guys have. If you don’t have an answer, just decide as a group. Remember, you can also ask us any question on FirepitMensGroup.com. It helps us prepare other men who might have the same question.

(If you’re nervous talking, that’s normal. Do this: Ask if anyone has done something like this before and what they liked about it. By opening up the floor, it’ll feel conversational from the start and make you feel more comfortable taking it from there. Plus you’ll learn something about them.)