Conflict will happen sooner or later. Someone will be offended by a text message, say something critical under his breath, or laugh at the wrong time…like while someone else is spilling his guts. It’s going to happen.

Most of the time, this self corrects pretty quickly. The offender says sorry and that’s it. But if one of the guys starts getting really frustrated about something (especially when small things happen over and over), he needs to bring it up and talk through it with the offender.

If you sense he’s getting frustrated but won’t confront the other guy, call him outside the group’s meeting and ask him what’s wrong. When he starts telling what he’s frustrated about, say, “wait…it doesn’t do any good to talk through it with me, you gotta bring it up with the other guy.”

He can do it during or outside the group’s meeting, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you don’t try and stop it from happening or try to solve it for them.

There’s good logic behind this. Here are some things to consider, just so you feel better about letting them talk, or even argue through something:

• They’re men, so it’s respectful and right to get out of their way.
• You all have setup an environment of honesty, so the conversation will probably cut to the chase and be over pretty quickly, once it starts.
• Nobody wants to lose face in the group, which will keep them from going overboard with their reactions (and from being a jerk).

Guys will get to the point, find the common ground, and settle it. Most guys don’t have any connection like this group, which means they’ll most likely prioritize it over their own feelings.

When they’re done talking through it, just pick up where you left off and get the conversation going.

FAQs:

Q: I’m the leader; why not get involved?

A: You can’t play the “leader card” when you’ve already claimed to be “just one of the guys.” If you do, you’ll communicate to the guys that firepit is not really a level playing field, like you’ve claimed. You don’t want to do anything that creates a, “me leader, you follower” vibe.

Q: What if they won’t talk through it?

A: Talk to one of them outside of firepit. Pick the one that you think is most likely to initiate the conversation with the other guy(s) they’re frustrated with. Tell him he has to bring it up so they (he and the other guy(s) involved) can understand each other, find a common ground, and put it past you. Your goal in bringing this up is only to protect the group…you don’t want anything in the way of good communication. If he still doesn’t want to talk, tell him he has to let it go – it has to be one or other. He may not like it, but he’ll get it.