If you’re in the market for a men’s group, you’re in luck…they’re everywhere!

Online or offline you’ll find men’s groups for religious types, non-religious types, dads, divorced dads, adventurous divorced dads, and men that cuddle (we’re serious).

And the styles are just as diverse. Some feel really serious, others feel like game day. 

But for all the variety in target markets and styles, every men’s group offers only three foundational experiences. And knowing that can help you choose.

The three fundamental experiences of any men’s group are:

Learning

Accountability

Relationships

“Wait,” you say, “don’t men’s groups have all three?” Yes, but they’re not weighted equally. Each group will major in one and minor in the others.

One group might be 80% learning, 10% accountability, and 10% relationship. Another may be 20% learning, 70% accountability, and 10% relationship. Those are two very different experiences! Men drop out of men’s groups all the time not knowing that they simply picked the wrong mix for their phase of life.

So it’s important to ask yourself, what’s the right mix for you?

To help you answer that, we’ll look at each style, describe how they work, and provide plusses and minuses.

Let’s start with the most popular style of all:

The Learning-Focused Men’s Group

Learning-focused men’s groups are popular among churches or other institutions. They generally follow a book studies or video series.

The basic formula is this: someone outside of the group (not you) is really smart and has principles that can (or should) improve your life. The group spends most of the time learning principles, then takes a few minutes to discuss how those principles apply to their lives. If those principles seep into your brain, you’ll walk out a better man (maybe).

As men’s groups go, this is the shallow end of the pool.

On the plus side, it’s a safe and easy way to get started and meet new guys. Conversations stay at a relatively surface level and, aside from doing some homework, expectations are low.

However, there’s a downside. When a study or video series ends, an off-ramp appears and guys often exit. There are several reasons, but a big one is that guys have a hard time transitioning to the next discussion.

One guy will want to talk about marriage and relationships; another about leadership. Imagine six men and one remote control and you get the idea.

Over time, these kinds of groups risk of turning over all their members. So if you’re looking to build friendships, this is not a long-term solution.

But if you want to dip your toe in, this is an easy style of group to find…call any church with 500 or more members and you’re likely to find groups to join.

Tip: Ask the group’s leader if he has material lined up for a year. If so, guys are likely to stick around longer, which will help you build relationships that keep the group together.

The Accountability-Focused Men’s Group

This is the men’s group equivalent of, “drop and give me 20!”

Guys love this! Guys want to be put on the spot every week if they’re starting businesses or chasing specific goals. These groups help you clarify a path and get stuff done.

They use a simple goal-and-measure system – you are “here” and want to be “there.” The group motivates you; you motivate them. And it works!

Meetings are primarily used as checkpoints to see how you’re progressing against whatever goal you said you wanted to pursue. You can also learn techniques and perspectives to make you more successful.

However, if you’re not at a stage where you want to be pushed, these groups can make you tired. A healthy life includes a cycle of push and rest so ask yourself where you’re at right now.

Posing is another issue you might have to deal with in these type of groups. Men have a built in desire to be respected, which sometimes creates chest beating and grand standing. It’s worthwhile to sit in a meeting before paying to join, just to see if the conversations are honest and there’s a healthy dose of humility/realism.

Tip: Accountability-focused groups are the easiest type of group to do online.  So if you’re traveling a lot or just low on time, this can fit into your busy schedule.

The Relationship-Focused Men’s Group

Relationships are something that every man needs, especially as they start the uphill journey of adult life.

Relationship-focused groups connect men through discussions and a variety of activities (watching football, grilling out, camping…whatever).

There is A LOT of variation in conversational depth, ranging from “bare-your-soul, kum-by-ya” types to “pass me another beer” types. And topics are all over the board. If some guys are going through divorce, then divorce may be a running topic for a while; same with kids, marriage, etc.

One of the biggest benefits of a relationship-focused men’s group is they naturally includes healthy doses of the other two types (learning and accountability). It’s inevitable when men start to respect one another.

Now, a warning: some of these groups get dangerously close to therapy, so be careful. There are huge benefits in talking to other men, but some guys need real, professional help. So just ask yourself, are you suffering from normal wear and tear or an emotional bullet hole? If it’s the latter, find a therapist (or a group led by a therapist with therapy being the stated purpose).

Tip: Pick a group where the guys are close to the same age and stage as you. Everyone should be within 10 years of one another. This makes it easier to connect and talk, and nobody will have to bear the nicknames “junior” or “grandpa.”

And now…pick!

So there you have it: all the variety in men’s groups boiled down to three areas of focus. Remember, most groups have all three represented to some extent, but heavily lean on one in particular.

So what’s the right men’s group for you?

No matter what you choose, we hope you join a group. If you’ve read this far, you likely agree that guys who go alone carry the weight of everything on their own shoulders. And that’s a burden with no reward.

Happy hunting!